Day 55: Thinking Ahead

This one is short and sweet. I've been making an effort to make large batches of foods my family likes (chili, french toast, spaghetti, etc.) and freezing a meal's worth of leftovers each time. Or if I have to brown ground beef for something, I try to brown extra to freeze. Let me tell you, tacos go together really quickly when you've already cooked everything in advance and just have to heat it all through.

No matter what, I'm going to have to feed everyone. Like it or not, there are a lot of days when I am pressed for time. So why not make it a little easier once in awhile? I am worth giving myself a little help. It's been making life a lot easier, not to mention tastier.

Day 54: Homework

Last week I met with a couple of doctors in the hope that they can help me figure out just what my brain and body are doing. During the consultation, Dr Enthusiastic gave me an assignment: until I meet back with her to go over my test results, I have to sit twice a week for 20 minutes and do... nothing. (I laughed when I wrote it down because it sounded absolutely impossible.) She graciously allowed me a piece of paper and a writing utensil, but only for jotting down any ideas of what I might want to do with those 20 minutes in the future. For now, I have to just... sit there. No beading. No scrapping. (Not that I ever do those things right now anyway.) No exercising. No folding clothes. No writing. No reading (you know that one is killing me). No coupon clipping. No grading. No teaching. No filing. N.O.T.H.I.N.G. That assignment was given to me a week ago today... and today was the first day I managed to do it. (And I will admit that I did it because my mother literally sent me outside before I could eat lunch.)

My nothing time was spent out in my driveway, on a lawn chair, in the sun. It felt nice. I resisted the urge to pull the half dozen little weeds I could see. While I did wish I had pruning shears handy for the shrubs, wish was all I did from my perch. The tree in the front yard has little green buds on it -- that was very exciting for me to see, as it means warmer, brighter days are coming. There's a sparkly rock on the side yard that looked interesting; I'll have to point it out to my daughter tomorrow.

The point behind the homework is not lost on me. If I can't (or is that won't?) take 20 little minutes out of a single day for myself, how can I realistically hope to accomplish anything I value? I am worth filling up my cup. If I don't fill up my own cup, how can I refresh anyone else in my life? If I don't fill up my cup, I will run dry.

Day 53: Understanding

Sometimes we are called upon to be understanding and compassionate. If you have a friend who is struggling, what do you do? You listen. You sympathize. You are quiet, when necessary. You tell it like it is, as required. Above all, you love your friend into a better mood, a calmer outlook or just through the muck.

I have a recurring conversation with a dear friend in which we remind ourselves that we need to love ourselves as we love our friends. It is easy to love a friend -- you just overlook the rough edges, the less-than-stellar decisions and whatever you'd do differently because it just plain doesn't matter. Loving the self... oh, my. That is quite a different story. Every edge cuts, every decision screams back and everything threatens to overwhelm. We would simply never speak to a friend the way we speak to ourselves. But who better understands the self than the self?

I am still struck by how difficult this discovering worth business is turning out to be. Miss a day of blogging, and guess who starts berating herself? Spend a bit more time reading than might be considered sane, and guess who mentally limps away to hide in more words? Guess who needs to be a whole lot nicer and more understanding to her friends' friend? I am worth treating myself the way I treat (and want to be treated by) my friends. Clearly they love me. Clearly they see something that I often do not. And the same can be said about them -- my friends are so very special. It would sadden me to hear them say things to themselves that make them feel less-than, undervalued or sad.

Be nice to your friends' friend.

February 18: With Grace and Forgiveness I go forth

Parent with Grace and Forgiveness at your side, for one day you will need them from your children.

Ponder that one for a minute.

There are days I don't feel worthy of the blessings of my kids. They are really growing up in the Lord... and I wonder how they got there for I know my mistakes are too numerous to count.

Then there are days that I want to start over from scratch... wondering how my child could have ever made a decision soooo wrong!

Today is a mixture of both. One of my kids (nameless for the sake of honoring them the best I know how) got a note from school saying "Defaced school property, stealing" My jaw hit the floor!!!!!!

Now I know that they should have major consequense... as has already begun...
but last night when I was tucking them all in "said" child said to me "Mom, I really am sorry for what I did.. and I want you to know that I did wrong and I am willing to take my punishment, but I want you to forgive me."

silence

"Of COURSE I forgive you!" Baby, we all need it... and we all get it from Jesus. Who am I to withhold forgiveness from them. We have a saying in our house "I love you forever and I forgive you for always, no matter what!"

We hugged and kissed and said I love you's...feeling restord, my child rolled over and went to sleep.

Then I went to my Lord and said "Daddy, I really am sorry for all that I do, and I want you to know that I know I have done wrong, and I am willing to take my punishment...but I want you to forgive me." Knowing full well that I am restored to my Father thru Jesus Christ.

My child is an example of humility to me. God you are so good to me to constantly remind me my need for you thru my children.

Thank you Lord!
I am worth forgiveness, cuz my Father says so!

Day 47: Get A Physical

It has been approximately 6 years since I last got a physical. Oh, I've meant to do it each year, but something always came up. I fell pregnant... twice. I had a tougher-than-usual model baby. I moved. I had to get a haircut. I needed to... um... (This is the point where I debate yelling "Look! Something shiny!" to distract you and then totally change topics.) Suffice it to say that if I have a hard time carving out the time to play the piano or read a chapter of a book, I really have a hard time making a doctor's appointment, finding a sitter and getting my sedentary bottom over to my primary care physician.

Avoiding the doctor, except when horribly ill, is really no different than avoiding the mechanic with your car. Sure, you can drive the car for a good long while without maintenance... but the car is going to hate you and refuse, eventually, to haul you around town. To shift this into the next gear, I'll say that no one in their right mind would own a Ferrari and then never change the oil or check the filters. I wanna be a Ferrari, baby, not a trashed Pinto.

Who is getting short-changed by avoiding a simple physical? Me. My husband. My kids. My friends. Even the Lord. Neglecting to take care of the vehicle my soul is adhered to is... insane. Let's face it: this Pinto-wanting-to-be-a-Ferrari body of mine has some serious high-mileage issues these days. The big 4-0 is just around the corner. My thyroid is half the gland it used to be, my brain feels like Swiss cheese lost in a foggy marsh, and my muscles and ligaments have all gone on strike - I need an overhaul if I'm going to make it another 40 years. And darnit, my family needs me. No, you know what? I need me to be able to do all the things I haven't done yet.

So... my homework for tomorrow is to schedule a physical. I'm sure all my fluids and filters will get checked. I even have a list of tests that need to be run (I sure hope my transmission is good for a long while...). I am worth taking care of the physical me.

Feb 11: Time flies when you are having fun??? Is this fun?

Crazy can explain the last week for me...

This is Birthday week for John, Emma was the 1st, but with the storm had to reschedule for last weekend... next weekend is also the shower for the bride that i am the matron of honor for...
needless to say... I am crazy busy.

This brings me to my time being valuable..... . ... ....
I must be much more on top of my time.

I think I need to value myself in the way I spend my time... not wasting it, but being responsible with it.

thats all the time I have to say that.. he he

Days 41-46: Get OUT!

This past weekend we got out of Dodge for a day. Just me and the husband. It was supposed to be an early celebration of his birthday... but we got the oil changed on his car and went to the movies. (Do I know how to celebrate or what?) I have to say, it was an outstanding day. It had been far, far too long since we had last been on a real date together. What a joy to converse in normal tones, cut and eat our own food on our own plates, watch the movie without explaining the plot, and just be together. It was even wonderful to get home to kids eating cupcakes and having them too wired for bed.

Why was it so great? Because we got out. Out of the house. Out of a rut. Out of the way of bigger responsibilities (though I must say it was very important to get the oil change done). It was such a nice change of pace that the next day, after Mass, we packed the family up and went on a two-mile hike at a preserve near our house. It was terrific fun, despite the mountain lion warnings at the park entrance.

I always bought the party line of "husbands and wives need to make time for each other and get out once a week," but our budget and family circumstances haven't always fallen in line. We thought we were doing just fine to rent a movie and have a snack at 10:30pm on whatever night worked. And while that is much, much better than not trying to have a few minutes together, it is not the same as getting out of Dodge!

To take this a step further, it isn't just married folk who need to get out and reconnect. As individuals, we each need to take purposeful time to get out. If you never listen to music, how will you know what you like? If you never take a walk, how will you know what your favorite route is? If you never go hike, how will you know what lies beyond your block of the neighborhood? If you never (fill in the blank), how will you (fill in the next blank)? If you do not get out -- get out of yourself, out of your comfort zone, out of your rut -- how will you know who you are?

I am worth a regular good date - alone, with my husband and with my family.