Day 90: It's Never Too Late To Try, Try Again

It was almost a day of wasted effort: foggy thinking, no motivation, needy kids, and oh, so tired. The day, however, was salvaged. Somehow I managed to get my school books unpacked (I had ordered a bunch last week), checked against invoices, and stacked by my computer. They are now ready for input into my handy-dandy tracking program.

The thing is, I didn't start this project until about 3:30 this afternoon. A load of laundry did get done today, as did some baking... but on the whole the morning was not all that fulfilling. The afternoon, however, was salvaged and it feels so good. A good dinner even happened, complete with vegetables of multiple colors.

I am worth making the effort to persevere, even at the eleventh hour.

Day 89: Did You Get To The Doctor Yet?

Public Service Announcement

You need to go see your doctor, if you haven't yet this year. Have your well-woman exam and a physical. When your doctor asks you how you're doing, do not be polite -- be honest. Are you anxious? Say so. Are you irritable all the time? Say so. Are you forgetting too many things? Say so (write it down so you don't forget!). You need to take care of you or you will have no energy or health to spend on the people who matter to you... and those same people will not thank you for letting yourself run down.

* * *

I got a call from my own doctor a week ago; she was checking that I was getting bloodwork done. It was nice (read that: I had peace in my heart!) to be able to report that I did, indeed, have an appointment to get that lab work done. She also called to give me some initial results to the first round of hormone testing we did last month. Let's just say that my issues are not all in my head, they're in my hormones (and the lack thereof)! Nothing is fixed yet... but I'm on the way to getting well.

There is no point in finding my worth if I'm going to treat myself as though I am worth nothing. It's strangely validating to discover that I am dealing with real, physical, chemical problems -- it's darned hard to try to overcome character issues, depression issues and the like when my body is actively in mutiny. I am worth the struggle to fix my body -- then I'll really be able to see (well, see more accurately) who I really am.

Day 88: If It All Comes Together, It Will Also Come Apart

Hello, Monday.

A fabulous weekend could only be followed by a Monday. A busy Monday with monkey wrenches in my schedule and a failed dinner (someday I'll find a great gluten free pizza crust...). Don't get me wrong, my husband got home early and a lot got accomplished today -- it's just that it's Monday.

Despite the I'm-behind-again feelings, the overwhelming list to tackle, and the kids who need a close encounter with my duct-tape-as-discipline methods, I am determined to ride this Monday wave. A little perseverance will go a long way -- I don't have to get everything done this minute or even today. I just have to get something done and chip away at the rest. I am worth being reasonable.

To that end, my to-do list has two sides today: the must-do-today side and the must-do-soon side. Both sides are still fairly unrealistic (I'm trying, really...), but it's a good start at trying to re-prioritize within reason.

Day 87: Sometimes It All Comes Together!

Wow! Sometimes everything just comes together and you can actually sit back and relish your accomplishments. Oh, sure, I know that what we're working toward is regularly being satisfied on a deeply personal level with who we are and what we do, but occasionally and even bigger "I did it!" moment does present itself.

Friday was that day. My house looked pretty good. I got my Bible study finished. My kids and I finished cleaning up before 25 people descended upon our little domicile for the afternoon. Once they all left, we had the house in even better shape within 20 minutes! My cousin came in to town for an impromptu visit and my house was company ready for the first time in three years. (Ready, meaning towels laid out for the guest, the bathrooms spotless, food stocked in the pantry, toys away. The only thing I forgot were mints on the pillows.)

Don't get me wrong, by 9:30 a.m. the following morning, the house looked normally disheveled again and has remained that way for the weekend. But for a few brief hours, it was fabulous and witnessed by someone who doesn't live here.

Was it the house that made me feel good? No. Was it the pantry? No. Was it the cooperation of my kids? Mmm... a little. Mostly what felt so good was the validation, from myself, that what I had managed to arrange turned out so well. I was able to clean house, coordinate bus times, have 25 people over for Bible study, clean up again, keep the family fed & to bed on time, put up a surprise guest and grocery shop... and all got done with time to spare! I am so good at beating myself up and not so good at complimenting a job well done. My friends, this was a job well done. Fleeting and imperfect, yes, but oh, so worth it. I am worth validation.

Just a Reminder About Procrastinating

It's a bad, bad, bad idea to procrastinate. Resigning myself to this inescapable fact means embracing the reality of tax preparation. It's time. It must be done. So being done it is. If... er... when I emerge from my office, I'll have a triumphant entry to post. Until then... keep reviewing your worth.

Day 76: Let's Review... Again?

It occurs to me that perhaps I need to stop badgering my children as much as I do when I have to repeat directions... especially after the 451st time. Here I am on day 76 of this worth endeavor and what do I find? I am having to repeat myself, to myself, for the umpteenth time. The children come by their stubbornness honestly.

Let's review:
Make the bed.
Pray while making the bed.
Open the mail so the paper doesn't take over.
Stop worrying, listen to some music.

That's enough review for one day. I followed my own advice. I am worth taking the time to slow down and pay attention to what I'm doing... even if I only get a little bit done.

March 13: So many great callings to compare myself to...

We know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose.
— Romans 8:28 (NIV)

HIS PURPOSE

I love this verse. It really helps me to refocus. There are times when I feel so underdeveloped in ministry and life. Like I am capable of doing so much more then I do, but yet I have not been called to His purpose to do those things.

In the day to day though, it is hard not to compare yourself to all the greatness you see. But really is it greatness, or is it simply GOD.. God is greatness. His greatness is in my calling just as it is in all those wonderful things others do. We are not to compare our job that we see as smaller then, to anything. It is GODS PURPOSE... you do not know the heart of which you compare to. It is very special to be called of God to your own job. I know missionaries, medical professionals, teachers, and musicians... all who are going out into the world to do God's work! No one is greater then another. Sometimes when you are a stay at home mom you look out the window and think what am I missing out on... God's answer, NOTHING!

2 Corinthians 10:11-13 (New International Version)
11Such people should realize that what we are in our letters when we are absent, we will be in our actions when we are present.

12We do not dare to classify or compare ourselves with some who commend themselves. When they measure themselves by themselves and compare themselves with themselves, they are not wise. 13We, however, will not boast beyond proper limits, but will confine our boasting to the field God has assigned to us, a field that reaches even to you.

The field that God has assigned us to....

I love my field. It is filled with children, and blessings, and a husband who truly loves me. I am a missionary in this place called Curtis. I am to raise my children in the admonision of Christ. God thank you for this calling. My husband loves me and appreciates me, and my kids (well not all the time) but they are truly a blessing.

I am worth appreciation. I need to appreciate my calling and my purpose.