Wednesday, March 31, 2010

Day 90: It's Never Too Late To Try, Try Again

It was almost a day of wasted effort: foggy thinking, no motivation, needy kids, and oh, so tired. The day, however, was salvaged. Somehow I managed to get my school books unpacked (I had ordered a bunch last week), checked against invoices, and stacked by my computer. They are now ready for input into my handy-dandy tracking program.

The thing is, I didn't start this project until about 3:30 this afternoon. A load of laundry did get done today, as did some baking... but on the whole the morning was not all that fulfilling. The afternoon, however, was salvaged and it feels so good. A good dinner even happened, complete with vegetables of multiple colors.

I am worth making the effort to persevere, even at the eleventh hour.

Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Day 89: Did You Get To The Doctor Yet?

Public Service Announcement

You need to go see your doctor, if you haven't yet this year. Have your well-woman exam and a physical. When your doctor asks you how you're doing, do not be polite -- be honest. Are you anxious? Say so. Are you irritable all the time? Say so. Are you forgetting too many things? Say so (write it down so you don't forget!). You need to take care of you or you will have no energy or health to spend on the people who matter to you... and those same people will not thank you for letting yourself run down.

* * *

I got a call from my own doctor a week ago; she was checking that I was getting bloodwork done. It was nice (read that: I had peace in my heart!) to be able to report that I did, indeed, have an appointment to get that lab work done. She also called to give me some initial results to the first round of hormone testing we did last month. Let's just say that my issues are not all in my head, they're in my hormones (and the lack thereof)! Nothing is fixed yet... but I'm on the way to getting well.

There is no point in finding my worth if I'm going to treat myself as though I am worth nothing. It's strangely validating to discover that I am dealing with real, physical, chemical problems -- it's darned hard to try to overcome character issues, depression issues and the like when my body is actively in mutiny. I am worth the struggle to fix my body -- then I'll really be able to see (well, see more accurately) who I really am.

Monday, March 29, 2010

Day 88: If It All Comes Together, It Will Also Come Apart

Hello, Monday.

A fabulous weekend could only be followed by a Monday. A busy Monday with monkey wrenches in my schedule and a failed dinner (someday I'll find a great gluten free pizza crust...). Don't get me wrong, my husband got home early and a lot got accomplished today -- it's just that it's Monday.

Despite the I'm-behind-again feelings, the overwhelming list to tackle, and the kids who need a close encounter with my duct-tape-as-discipline methods, I am determined to ride this Monday wave. A little perseverance will go a long way -- I don't have to get everything done this minute or even today. I just have to get something done and chip away at the rest. I am worth being reasonable.

To that end, my to-do list has two sides today: the must-do-today side and the must-do-soon side. Both sides are still fairly unrealistic (I'm trying, really...), but it's a good start at trying to re-prioritize within reason.

Sunday, March 28, 2010

Day 87: Sometimes It All Comes Together!

Wow! Sometimes everything just comes together and you can actually sit back and relish your accomplishments. Oh, sure, I know that what we're working toward is regularly being satisfied on a deeply personal level with who we are and what we do, but occasionally and even bigger "I did it!" moment does present itself.

Friday was that day. My house looked pretty good. I got my Bible study finished. My kids and I finished cleaning up before 25 people descended upon our little domicile for the afternoon. Once they all left, we had the house in even better shape within 20 minutes! My cousin came in to town for an impromptu visit and my house was company ready for the first time in three years. (Ready, meaning towels laid out for the guest, the bathrooms spotless, food stocked in the pantry, toys away. The only thing I forgot were mints on the pillows.)

Don't get me wrong, by 9:30 a.m. the following morning, the house looked normally disheveled again and has remained that way for the weekend. But for a few brief hours, it was fabulous and witnessed by someone who doesn't live here.

Was it the house that made me feel good? No. Was it the pantry? No. Was it the cooperation of my kids? Mmm... a little. Mostly what felt so good was the validation, from myself, that what I had managed to arrange turned out so well. I was able to clean house, coordinate bus times, have 25 people over for Bible study, clean up again, keep the family fed & to bed on time, put up a surprise guest and grocery shop... and all got done with time to spare! I am so good at beating myself up and not so good at complimenting a job well done. My friends, this was a job well done. Fleeting and imperfect, yes, but oh, so worth it. I am worth validation.

Sunday, March 21, 2010

Just a Reminder About Procrastinating

It's a bad, bad, bad idea to procrastinate. Resigning myself to this inescapable fact means embracing the reality of tax preparation. It's time. It must be done. So being done it is. If... er... when I emerge from my office, I'll have a triumphant entry to post. Until then... keep reviewing your worth.

Thursday, March 18, 2010

Day 76: Let's Review... Again?

It occurs to me that perhaps I need to stop badgering my children as much as I do when I have to repeat directions... especially after the 451st time. Here I am on day 76 of this worth endeavor and what do I find? I am having to repeat myself, to myself, for the umpteenth time. The children come by their stubbornness honestly.

Let's review:
Make the bed.
Pray while making the bed.
Open the mail so the paper doesn't take over.
Stop worrying, listen to some music.

That's enough review for one day. I followed my own advice. I am worth taking the time to slow down and pay attention to what I'm doing... even if I only get a little bit done.

Saturday, March 13, 2010

March 13: So many great callings to compare myself to...

We know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose.
— Romans 8:28 (NIV)


I love this verse. It really helps me to refocus. There are times when I feel so underdeveloped in ministry and life. Like I am capable of doing so much more then I do, but yet I have not been called to His purpose to do those things.

In the day to day though, it is hard not to compare yourself to all the greatness you see. But really is it greatness, or is it simply GOD.. God is greatness. His greatness is in my calling just as it is in all those wonderful things others do. We are not to compare our job that we see as smaller then, to anything. It is GODS PURPOSE... you do not know the heart of which you compare to. It is very special to be called of God to your own job. I know missionaries, medical professionals, teachers, and musicians... all who are going out into the world to do God's work! No one is greater then another. Sometimes when you are a stay at home mom you look out the window and think what am I missing out on... God's answer, NOTHING!

2 Corinthians 10:11-13 (New International Version)
11Such people should realize that what we are in our letters when we are absent, we will be in our actions when we are present.

12We do not dare to classify or compare ourselves with some who commend themselves. When they measure themselves by themselves and compare themselves with themselves, they are not wise. 13We, however, will not boast beyond proper limits, but will confine our boasting to the field God has assigned to us, a field that reaches even to you.

The field that God has assigned us to....

I love my field. It is filled with children, and blessings, and a husband who truly loves me. I am a missionary in this place called Curtis. I am to raise my children in the admonision of Christ. God thank you for this calling. My husband loves me and appreciates me, and my kids (well not all the time) but they are truly a blessing.

I am worth appreciation. I need to appreciate my calling and my purpose.

Thursday, March 11, 2010

March 11: I LOVE DO OVERS!!

I thought I would take some inspiration for Lucy and converse via blog...

The whole bible is one big DO OVER! Jesus died on the cross for us to have a DO OVER! "He who turns a sinner from the error of his ways will save his soul from death and will cover a multitude of sins" (James 5:20)

This is what Christ did for us... and we can do for each other....

With my kids, we call it "start overs". "Mom, can I have a start over?" "Yes son/daugher you can.." "Good morning Mom!" "Good morning my blessing"
Reset the soul.

I think as women we tend to not do do overs enough. There is a beauty that can be taught when you learn from your mistakes and not live in them.. your children and friends learn that Grace is possible for them too. Every morning is a do over. It is up to you how you want to spend your do over...

So this morning I will do my hair and make up (for the first time agian!)

I AM SO WORTH A DO OVER... cuz remember that I AM TO DIE FOR! And so are you!

Monday, March 8, 2010

Lost Count; Reset

Time out!

Do over!


Someone let me off this ride... now!

That's been my life in a nutshell for the past week and some. As today fades out in a less than stellar fashion, I am reminded that, God-willing, I'll have a do over tomorrow. Lord help me, I don't really want a do over... I want a let's pretend yesterday never happened.

I've really struggled this past week to find something pertinent to say. Given the state of things in my life, I think what I need to say, at least to myself, is that it's really alright to screw up. I tell my kids all the time that mistakes are good -- we learn what doesn't work, what needs improvement, what to avoid, and how to grow. Mistakes can hurt. Growing can hurt. Improvements often look worse than what we started with, until they're finished.

I am worth my mistakes.

Sunday, March 7, 2010

March 7th/8th: Gratitude...a good thing

Hello agian followers!

I have been gone for a time.. due to sad times for family members and sickness. I will have to tell you all those things another time if it comes to be important later... but in my absence I have been learning about gratitiude.

I have always considered myself to be thankful. I am perhaps one of the most blessed people I know. But when you see all those around you struggle, it makes you sad for them but grateful in a selfish way that you are not going thru what they are going thru.

Why is it we can see so clearly how blessed we are when we are relatively left alone by satan. I believe true gratitude is when you are grateful even in the mist of those times that shape and mold your charecter and true faith.

Colossians 4:2Devote yourselves to prayer, being watchful and thankful. 3And pray for us, too, that God may open a door for our message, so that we may proclaim the mystery of Christ, for which I am in chains. 4Pray that I may proclaim it clearly, as I should. 5Be wise in the way you act toward outsiders; make the most of every opportunity. 6Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone.

I appoligize that I have not been around much... this growing in worth thing is pretty hard. I must build on it each day, begin agian each day.. as it is new every morning what I will learn. I must be open...

I am definately grateful for the process.. for the journey I am on. I want to grow, and growth sometimes can be painful.

Philippians 4:6
6Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

8Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. 9Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.

I am worth gratitude toward my heavenly Father who is faithful to me.... as I am to devote myself to prayer, being watchful and thankful... thank you God!