Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Day 104: Where Did April 13 th Go?

I've lost a day! For some reason I thought yesterday was the 12th and that I had plenty of time to attend to certain responsibilities. I had to finish my intake with my doctor (remember, figuring out hormonal imbalances is extremely important in the grand scheme of things) and I got to go out on a fabulous date with my husband. I worked on school planning, teaching, grading and even some of that financial stuff... but somehow the actual date just didn't register. I woke up this morning feeling panicked and stressed.

There is enough time, but it sure doesn't feel like it. This feeling is a key issue for me. The fight or flight response is great for deciding how to deal with sabre-toothed tigers or closing multi-million dollar business deals, but not really so great for juggling lunches, schooling, finances and self-care. Whether or not my checkbook is balanced shouldn't be a survival moment. Whether or not we get all the quizzes and tests for the day finished should not be one of those moments either. Even paying bills shouldn't be a big deal. But making a mistake on the date sure can make the smaller things in my life feel monumental and potentially catastrophic. Truly, I need to learn how to navigate life better.

I'm worth cultivating a sense of peace and calm. I need to learn this -- being a high-strung person is not fun (and I doubt such a person is fun to live with ::cough::). Watching my kids develop the same issues is painful. They need a better model to pattern themselves after. It worries my husband when I stress over the minutiae and go to pieces.

Today's plan involves a do-over. I started attacking teaching and bills randomly and with incredible stress. Needless to say, it's not been the most pleasant morning (though, honestly, it's far from the worst... so something must be changing for the better), but the day isn't over yet. So it's time to regroup, make a short list and tackle what I can without sacrificing my family on the Altar of Perfection.

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