Days 98-99 Random Thoughts About Motherhood

This one is going to take quite a bit of thought to unravel. I called Joan yesterday in a panic as I was driving in ridiculous traffic. Turns out she was driving, too!

I really like driving. Specifically, I enjoy road trips. The average run to the grocery store? Not so much, but it will do in a pinch. So yesterday, once I had all my ducklings organized in their proper rows, I jumped in Big Baby, plugged in my iPod and took off for the doctor's office. I cranked up the volume (because I think I'm going deaf... really) and sang my heart out with U2. Since their career spans a large part of my life, I also ended up reminiscing about high school, hopes and dreams, the early days of my marriage, and how I got stuck in traffic on a random Thursday afternoon as a 38 year old woman.

Hopes and dreams popped through my head a lot. One thought grabbed my attention - I have a difficult time prioritizing even my daily responsibilities, let alone time for nurturing my hopes and aspirations. I have become so good at putting my wants on the back burner that I often completely forget they're even there. Do you know what happens to a pot left to simmer on the stove if you don't check on it? All the water evaporates out and you end up with a horrendous mess. Hopes and dreams are similar-- the ones put aside still need to be checked on once in awhile.

I also had some thoughts about something another friend has said to me before -- being a mother is challenging because the mom is often the constant focus of all her children's negativity. Kissing owies better and dealing with the fussing is one thing, but dealing with negative attitudes all day long is wearing. People in the workplace at least get paid to deal with immaturity and there are often human resource policies to deal with particularly difficult coworkers. Not so with mothering. No, mothering means constantly being in the line of fire, and that builds up an interesting pattern of stress.

There were more thoughts, but a lot of them are lost in the ether for the moment. It's worth figuring it all out though. I'll get back to this one.