I once remarked to a friend that there are days -- whole days -- that pass without so much as a smile. Not even a sad smile. I'm not sure when I lost my joy... actually I don't know that it's gone so much as much too subdued. I have a pretty good sense of humor under all the weight of the world I carry. My family is pretty funny, too. (My son's observation that the girl in King Kong was a "snackrifice" comes to mind... as does my daughter's announcement when she has "wiccups.") My kids laugh all the time. Though laughter is contagious, somehow I think I'm frozen more often than not -- it's not a pleasant way to live.
Obviously some digging needs to happen. Somehow the why behind this stunted emotional state needs to be uncovered. In the meantime, I've got to do something overt to keep from becoming a glacier in an Ice Age of my own making. I'm worth joy.
For today, I don't know what will help me laugh. I did smile at the wiccups... and the paper penguin puppet my son made... and when I popped the top of my Throwback Mountain Dew at lunch. I'm about to blast Muse songs at an obscene volume in the living room -- my children will roll their eyes at this, but I don't care. I might be the Mom, but I still get to be ME. And I like music.
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