Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Day 54: Homework

Last week I met with a couple of doctors in the hope that they can help me figure out just what my brain and body are doing. During the consultation, Dr Enthusiastic gave me an assignment: until I meet back with her to go over my test results, I have to sit twice a week for 20 minutes and do... nothing. (I laughed when I wrote it down because it sounded absolutely impossible.) She graciously allowed me a piece of paper and a writing utensil, but only for jotting down any ideas of what I might want to do with those 20 minutes in the future. For now, I have to just... sit there. No beading. No scrapping. (Not that I ever do those things right now anyway.) No exercising. No folding clothes. No writing. No reading (you know that one is killing me). No coupon clipping. No grading. No teaching. No filing. N.O.T.H.I.N.G. That assignment was given to me a week ago today... and today was the first day I managed to do it. (And I will admit that I did it because my mother literally sent me outside before I could eat lunch.)

My nothing time was spent out in my driveway, on a lawn chair, in the sun. It felt nice. I resisted the urge to pull the half dozen little weeds I could see. While I did wish I had pruning shears handy for the shrubs, wish was all I did from my perch. The tree in the front yard has little green buds on it -- that was very exciting for me to see, as it means warmer, brighter days are coming. There's a sparkly rock on the side yard that looked interesting; I'll have to point it out to my daughter tomorrow.

The point behind the homework is not lost on me. If I can't (or is that won't?) take 20 little minutes out of a single day for myself, how can I realistically hope to accomplish anything I value? I am worth filling up my cup. If I don't fill up my own cup, how can I refresh anyone else in my life? If I don't fill up my cup, I will run dry.

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