Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Day 26: Bath, Time

First off, I am worth a nice, hot soak. No hurries, no worrying about using up the hot water.

Second, it occurs to me that using a timer might be very beneficial right now. Hiding from what must be done isn't going to help anything. Attempting to pull of an 18 hour day with no breaks isn't going to work either. However, trying to tackle little pieces of the day and then rewarding myself with equal time to hide and fall to pieces just might... give me the gentle push I need to keep plodding on this path. The equal time part is important. I've tried this before by only giving myself a break equal to half of the time I've spent working - and that's probably good for times when everything is just busy but peachy. Right now is not that time! I've come to grips with the fact that I feel fragile beyond words.

As I sit here typing, I'm even going to dare to put a frame to the day. Between the hours of 10am and 3pm, I will use my timer. There's no sense in overdoing it - when someone wants to run a marathon, she doesn't just try to run a 26 mile practice run on the first day out. That's idiocy. No, I think giving myself a timeframe to work within makes it less intimidating. (I have to say that the baby steps I'm talking about are rather humiliating for me at the moment. But I am trying to think out loud here in the hopes that someone else in similar shoes who can't even think this concretely about how to start will have an idea.) I am worth the trouble of reigning in my time.
Give me a few days with this. I will report back.

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