Friday, January 8, 2010
Day Seven: Confronting hurt with truth makes me feel worth..
There are times in relationships that you have to decide is this a relationship I want to pursue.. or is this a relationship that can stand a little disagreement. I have always been one to speak my mind. Quite spirit does not describe me.... but I would like it too.. but I know that is a work in progress like so many others I have.
I have a relationship with a girlfriend of mine that is God ordained as in God told me to be her friend. I have stuck it out with her for 20 years! I have been there through thick and thin, she has with me also. There are times though that she says things that are just rude! It is not okay for someone to be rude to you... but if the relationship is not worth the trouble I tend to walk away and not say much as to not waste my time correcting the wrongs I have no responsibility for, just not my job ya know. But in this case, I am totally invested here. I have literally at times been her only friend. I have seen her through those times you just don't talk about to anyone ever about as I am the keeper of all that is sacred with her. But this time.. it is okay to say something to her. It is not just okay, but I am worth this argument.
When you have a relationship that has stood the test of time, you know how to approach them, and you know what you have to get through to get to the other side of the argument... I knew we would go through the usual. I just needed to say my peace for my sake. It may not change her, but it is my job to change me, and I have taken a lot from her for years.
She is someone who sees things from her side only, it doesn't matter if she hurt you she had an excuse. In this case she was 1 and 1/2 hours late, and then complained that we didn't have enough time to do the task at hand because I have "kids".
I do have kids. I love my kids. But my kids were not the problem. She was late, and then she was rude. My time is valuble. My kids are valuble. I know that.. but I think it was time she knew it!
I called her and here is how it went... we will just call her Fred.
Me: Fred, I called because something you said bothered me.
Fred: Oh, what was that?
Me: You said yesterday that you were unhappy that we didn't have enough time to do the thing we were doing because I had to get back to my kids! Why did you make plans today when I needed your help!... well I made enough time.. and my having kids was not the problem. You being late was the problem and you being rude yesterday was the problem. I have to schedule time with you cause I am a mom and wife yes, but you have to schedule time too, because you have what you have going on. I is not okay for you to be late and then blame my children because you didn't get to do all you wanted to do. I love you, but that is not okay, and I think you need to know that.
Fred: yada yada yada .. basically excuses and all that jazz... then it happened as I said NOTHING to her.
I am sorry, I didn't mean to hurt your feelings or be rude. I will work harder at not being late with you anymore.
Me: Thank you. I appreciate that. I think it will help us both if we don't let things go and become a sore spot anymore. I think the truth will set us both free.
Fred: I love you too.. and yes your right!
Whew..... That was done and friendship still intact.
I am a woman of worth.. and my friendship that I value was worth the trouble. Telling the truth is a worthy thing.. and confronting a hurt makes me feel worth.
Posted by joancurtis at 5:07 PM